And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive
-'Iris' Goo Goo Dolls

*********

We went to the beach today. Lots of hugs and kisses. Yummy. It was a full moon out. We sat on the jetty on the beach... we spoke a bit... reached some middle ground.

I say the wrong things sometimes... I react too much sometimes... i need to curb some of that reaction. Just as he says unintentional things that cut sometimes, i do the same - probably more than i realize.

More so... i just over react.

Dad basically gave his consent. Shelli is very pleased. I feel wonderful to know that a parent if not both (yet... cuz mom doesn't know yet officially) knows about "us" and has green lighted it. It doesn't feel like a guilty pleasure... One of my issues was that someone might tell my parents about me and him, before they found out from me... now that they know - i don't care what the public thinks anymore. My parents think we're dating - then we're gonna do things that people who are dating do.

It's that one thing ... you did... that got me trippin
don't wanna tell you what it is.. *wink* oh wait.. thats so serious
its this one thing that got me slippin..
hear voices.. i don't wanna understand

All is well in my existence. There is inner peace once more inside my soul. And i feel deliriously happy once more... I wuv my daddy.

*big smile*
*hugs russo*

And then.... he kissed me

I'm such a girl.

They broke up, and i actually don't know what to think. Truth be told, i want him. For me. But more truth, i could be wrong. I'm a professional when it comes to denial.

But he kissed me.. or i kissed him... or we kissed each other. I can't explain it. It doesn't matter who kissed whom right? ugh... i can't describe the kiss... but i enjoyed it... and it's well in my memory... well the kissES are well in my memory...

Dammit. I want more kisses. I'm feeling particularly greedy. I shouldn't, i know that... he needs time... *slaps wrist away* give him time... do i want him? Or a shell of him...? Or him any way i could get him? ...Or do i really want him him?

He's such a darling.... he's such a good kisser, and i know that he'll agree... He's such a great listener... he's such a good friend... he's taller than i am... older than i am... a cutie pie... he can pick me up ^^*.... he's very intelligent, and indulges in my petty arguements... he's very respectful.. and honest... and caring.. and sinscere.. he's a darling... he can piss me off like no other, and make me forget about it so easily... I mean i like being upset and all.. but i really don't document the technicalities of the event for daily purposes - only if a situation warrants such do go into the archives... enough retrogressing.. he generally has the best intentions...

yea yea yea.. *sighs wistfully*

I guess i should stand by my initial statement, i'm not the girl he's meant to be with, i'm just the girl that was to show him what was missing.

*sigh* I do adore him dearly though... hence lies the problem.. my weakness is that i care too much.

I plead confusion. I rather stay and wallow in whatever this is, because there are good moments for the most... and he won't be in love forever. Wait.. that sounds insensitive.. Essentially, i stay because i'm being hopeful - something fruitful will come out of this, my efforts will not have been all in vain.

I'm sure if i realize its better off just friends. Then we can both take immediate steps to fix it.. and we could if we really wanted to - but i don't wanna.

*********

The caring, humanitarian thoughts of Aquarius will find a willing home with Gemini. Uranus, the ruling planet of Aquarius, is full of surprises and sudden changes. This will suit the Gemini perfectly. There will be plenty of none stop variety to afford the stimulation that Gemini needs for its dual personality.

Geminis are always looking for surprises and the Aquarian can readily supply them. A warning bell here though, .. When the Aquarian mate wants to be alone, Gemini should not be offended. This is only a passing condition and will soon disappear. At times the Aquarian most have time alone. (No offense Gemini!)

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Gemini Woman & Aquarius Man

At last! A girl the Aquarian doesn't mind chasing and a woman who can keep up with the Gemini. Intellectually very well matched, but no staying power in life's little chores. One of the better combinations, but pity the houseplants! (Source: AquarianAge Romance )

This is tied with Libra as the number one soulmate match for you. You can find true love and happiness with an Aquarius boy. You share many things in common, including an adventurous streak and an unpredictable nature. You love to be spontaneous and he hates making plans, which works out perfectly! Bonus: the physical chemistry between you will just grow and grow the longer you are together. You will bring out the best in each other’s personalities. A terrific love match. ( Source: Jellybean's Astro-Soulmate Guide )

Gemini girl and Aquarius boy have the potential to create a relationship worthy of the Big Screen. You're both eerily in tune with each other, even when your not in the same place at the same time. Your Aquarian is inspired and moved by you, and the feeling is mutual. ( Source: FUNgirl - Astrology )

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Breezy and fascinating at all times --- nobody will do the housework but life will be fun. (Source: AquarianAge Romance )

For Gemini: Super alliance, you are both original and like variety. This makes for a fun loving couple. This is not always a lasting union but it is certainly worth pursuing. ( Source: Love Test )

For Aquarius: This is a delightful, intellectually stimulating relationship. Not always smooth but certainly an exciting and entertaining connection. ( Source: Love Test )

Get along great. In marriage they are friends more than lovers. A great pairing with a lot in common and a lot of understanding which Gemini needs. Both are unpredictable which could cause some tensions but they can work that out. Aquarius loves Gemini’s wit and good cheer. Even if the affair should end they will still remain friends. A love pairing. ( Source: Astrology Fun )

*********

hmmm....

out...

i just adore him so much....

*rests hand in cheek*

and i miss him too....

heh... i hope i don't start annoying him soon... must curb my urges... must practice restraint..